When Goodbye is the best thing...

You were a surprise to me. I never realized how much I had been suffering until you walked into my life. I never realized how disrespected I had been, how unappreciated I was.

It started with a simple conversation. Of course Innocent enough. The kind of conversation that last for hours and it feels like the world has stopped. All that is left is you me and our thoughts and spoken words.

Then you were there when the world seemed to fall and crumble apart around me. That’s when you offered your arms, your warm smile, and those easy eyes. The ones that say I am here, nothing and no one will hurt you today. You can trust me. Then you gave me my first kiss. My heart and soul seemed to wake up from a long slumber that it has been trapped in. I started to smile again. I started to feel something in my soul. I was awake and realized what I had been missing all this time.

However, all that begins in magic ends bitter sweet.  For we both know it would never work. Life as always gives us complications. However this time life gave us the worst complication ever. You see, you don’t belong to me. Your arms belongs to someone else. Your warm smile is not meant to warm my heart and soul, and your eyes are not mine to look into. No…you are not mine.

However what makes matters worse…Is that I also don’t belong to you. I also belong to someone. Who I have promised my heart, soul, and hand in marriage to.   Yes we are both unhappy with are current situation, however we understand that life is not fair or just.

One of us has to say goodbye…because sometimes goodbye is the best thing. However I never said that goodbye was an easy thing, But I do know it’s the right. Maybe someday, in a different time and place, those arms, that smile and those eyes…will meet me again.  

But before I go there is something I never said, please allow me to say it now. I love you.

Valentines Day!

Ahh. Viva le amore'! It's Valentines Day. The day men sweat and women thinking one of two things. 1. what is he getting mr and 2. What am I going to do to him if he dosent. LOL! 

   On a better note, Someone once told me what the secret to a good marriage is. She said, "You have to be his friend before you can be his wife" . I could not agree more with that statment. I myself am in a marriage that proves opposites attract. A few months ago I started wondering what my marriage had to offer me. Then I realized that I was saying me.  The real question I should have been asking is what do "We" bring to the table on "Our Marriage".  So I sat down and wrote out of list of pros and cons. To my surprise, It was a tie. Which to me was a little of a shocker. However what kills me is that most romance films always give you that mushy feeling, you know what I mean. Guy meets girl, They fall in love and at the end of the movie, you hear the loud music and they look into each others eyes and then the cressindo comes in and applause follows. Well, I do have to say everytime I kiss my husband I do not hear the Phillidelpha Phillharmonic in the background...Does that mean I missed out on the magic? LOL.  However, what kills me is that the movie ends on a beautiful note, however they never tell you what happens after that magical moment. Did their love live on? Did they stay married for a long time? Did it end in divorce? How did they deal with the really hard moments in life that test the binds of marriage. The moments that feel like you may be at the point of loseing it all and then fall in love all over again?  The trails and errors, and heartache, and tears, and laughter, and comprimise that all goes into any Marriage. Thats the movie I want to see...wait I think Joan Crawford did that one already.  Anyhow, I am no stranger to Love, heartache, Lust, and life lessons. However let me share the second best advice that I can give you. The first Valentine you should have this year...is to yourself. Give yourself something as well as your loved one. After all, you do have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.  So buy yourself something, no matter how big or small (however try to not out do your significant other) You don't want them to feel bad. 

   Next, Guys let me talk to you for a minute. Please do not assume today. Please remember that if we say "We don't want anything" ...We do. Another thing, If she says "I will do whatever you want to do" she is lying, please grill her until you figure out where she really wants to go. Trust me sitting in front of the TV or saying lets stay in is not a good idea, even if she says it is. However the most important point to remember "Treat her like a queen today"! "She is always right"! (Even if you know she is wrong, choose your battles wiseley) and make sure she is the most important woman in the world. If all else fails, Buy her choclates and Roses, get naked and tie a huge bow around yourself and say "You got me for valentines" ...Yes its mushey ,but trust me it works! Good Luck. 


Women...Let's get one thing out in the open now. We are difficult! Today do not expect him to read your mine. Help him out a bit. He already feels like hes running through a mine field. Our job is to make sure he makes it to the other side without blowing himself up. Please be straight forward with him, and do not expect a long winded anwser to questions like "Do you still love me?" or "Where would you like to go". Men have very short attention spans. If you ask that they may tell you the truth, and we always get mad. Why!? We asked! So today let him find his own groove, but don't make it to hard for him either. Remember he is with you becuase in his opinion he would be lost without you...Girls he is not lying. LOL



So Now that I have sounded like Dr. Ruth here, I am going to sign off with, Love yourself, Love each other, Be each others Friends. Love comes in many forms. Have a good Valentines Day today folks.  BTW-These tulips are what my husband got me....I got him an HDMI cable....yeah like I said...simple.

TV Night

So I decided tonight to watch the tv shows in my DVR. I get so busy sometimes,that by the time I get to it it has over 4 hours of TV. Thank god for the fast forward function. After all it is the little things in life. The show that stood out tonight for me was House MD. It was an odd episode, it wasn't even about any medical mystery's. It followed Cuddy (Hospital Director) for a full day. I mention it because I understood it so well. As I watched her run circles, fire an employee, meet a budget deadline, and deal with an employee only she can seem to deal with , that no one else can stand (House for her...Matthew for me), I saw myself at work. I knew exactly how she felt. Props to the writers for writing a belivable and relatable character. On onother note "Lost" is still awsome, and "The good wife" just keeps getting better. However wtf was up with that "Heroes" season finale?  Besides that, I did get a lot done today. I had some pretty good results.  Im off to bed now, Have a meeting with my crew in the morning, they probably wont belive me when I say this, but im as excited as they are about it....yeaah....ok. Yes im being a smart ass. Good night all.

Lazy Day

So I had a lazy day today. I don't get those too often anymore so I try to take advantage of the few times that I can. Funny enough I was still able to get three hours of work done this morning...Now if I could only get the energy to get up and clean this house. It's not really that bad, but I can be a stickler from time to time. I was able to take a nap, which dosent happen often. That was nice. Watched the Bruce Willis Movie "Surrogets" , which wasn't all that bad. Now of course im in bed writing this blog watching Bill O'Riley, Of course we are talking about Sarah Palin...yet again. I used to think she was ok,however her address last night kind of pissed me off. She let it slip that she advocates against Gay rights. Its unbelivable How I find myself thinking more like a republican nowdays, however that woman needs to go back to alaska. I can be fair and balance in politics, but gay people are just that PEOPLE! Flesh and blood. I am so tired of them treating gay issues like its on a to-do list right between healthcare and the Economy. Ok moving on...sorry had to change the channel. Anyway, besides that I really did enjoy my day today. Of course its back to work tomorrow morning. Well anyway, off to bed I go. Good night everyone.

The Goal or The finish Line?

Ever Since I got to SC, I have been on this never ending quest to better myself and my life. It's been a year and a half now. It feels like I have been here longer then that. However, what seemed like the worst decision I could ever make in my life. Turned out to be the best one. In this time I have worked really hard to get to a better place. I have done so, However I am so tired. I am wondering if im trying to do too much? Is there a finish line? Is there a Goal? What is the objective that I wish to obtain? I realized I just kept going , but never really stopped to ask myself these questions. Now for the results. I am Now a GM and a Serve Safe Proctor. Two things I can take anywhere with me. I am on the verge of finishing my third and and final entry to a trilogy that I have been writing for 9 years now. I have mended my relationship with my parents, and finally mended my long fued with my stepmother. I have sucessfully been able to jugle, all of this and my marriage. I guess,as I am writing this I can see why I am so tired. However I want more...Is that greedy or selfish? Or is that what I should be feeling? Is there enough satisfaction at the finish line? Or should i be setting the golden goal? Guess only time and my efforts from here on out will anwser all these questions. However, out of everything I have just mentioned...there is one important question I never stopped to ask myself that would make everyhting I have said so far mean nothing if I anwser it the wrong way...Am I happy? Well, the anwser is simple, I am content. Which as we know is not the same. They say that you shopuld never settle on anything less then happines...what's wrong with settling with content? Its better then being completley un-happy. What if not everybody is supposed to settle for ultimate happiness, maybe being content, is what brings you the happiness that you seek and desire. Maybe I just anwserd my own question. :) Guess The Goal and the finish line are the same. Its all about what makes you happy and content, or in my case...Both

First Blog

So I am using Facebook nowdays more then i use Myspace, which of course is where I used to blog. I miss blogging. So anyhow I finally decided to sign up for blogger. Lets see where this goes.